I realized something today, or rather a couple things.
I have been sitting around and waiting for God to get my attention. As if he'd come down in chariots of fire and light the path for me with flood lamps. I have been waiting for God to plant desire in my heart. I have been waiting for God to change me. I have been waiting for God to make me fall in love with him. I have been waiting for God to move in me.
There are two things wrong with this picture.
I had given God no room to move in me.
I was not actively pursing God.
I cannot expect God to move in me when I give him no room to operate in my life. God calls us to live a life of surrender. He desires to fill us up with all that he has to offer us- love, hope, desire, calling, joy, fulfillment- but when we give him no room to fill us up, he is left waiting... simply waiting for us to pour out our cup. Our cup is never easy to pour out. It is full of all kinds of baggage. Things holding us back. Dreams, desires, materials, hurts, goals, time, and even idols. But in surrendering all that over to God we find true freedom. Freedom to be exactly what God has created us to be. Freedom to love God. Freedom to leave worry behind. Freedom to seek and pursue God with all that we are. When we empty out ourselves, we give God room to fill us up. But God is a gentlemen. He will not pour your cup out for you. The bible does not say that Jesus will take your life from you... what love is that? It says to lay down your life for him. We must start with actively pursuing God. "Come near to God and he will come near to you." I have lived in a lie that past year. I was so worried that the life I was living was one out of religion instead of relationship that I quit reading my bible, and I quit pursing God. I thought that in order for my pursing God to be from pure motive I had to be in love with God. But how do you fall in love with God unless your pursing him?!? Somebody does not just walk into you life and make you love them. You pursue them, you pursue your relationship with them and you FALL IN LOVE.
So right now I have to things on my heart:
Actively pursing Jesus
.... and through all of this, he is still smiling down on me, his daughter. That is grace and agape.