Emilie [diligent worker] Lauren [guarded by God]

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

He was a good man, whose only goal was to see his boy grow up.
When sickness struck his body, he never did give up.
No one ever told him the good news, the promise of eternity.
And now he must say goodbye, the final time to us.

A boy stuck in the middle of being a child and a man,
his family ripped apart by tragedy again.
Things keep falling apart and he can't keep up,
Failure haunts him, and dreams just make reality seem more harsh.

A girl, caught in between Mother and Father,
Time running out, pressure caving in.
Dead silence in the day, chaos in the night.
All she aims to do is whatever is right.

A family beaten down, they can no longer breathe.
Waves crashing down as they tread uneven ground.
Money has run out, disaster always strikes.
Five kids left in a tangle, a mess of unrest.

When everything came crashing down, home was always home.
And just as she needs it most, stability is lost.
No one ever sees her heartache or understands that this home was not just a home.

Girl comes home to screaming and fighting,
She tries so hard to be like Jesus,
but matters only get worse.
Left on her own to fend for herself,
Jesus is her family more than most.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Pursuit by the prince

I wrote this in a journal about a month ago and just stumbled over them again. I guess you can't say they are the words of God... but they sure are words my heart needed to hear... and normally I would never post this on here... But I got to thinking that maybe someone out there also needs to hear these words.

I love you so much but I can't force you to love me. You've put some distance between us- its harder for you to hear my voice. Well draw close to me and I draw near to you. Your priorities are not quite right lately. I need to be first Em if you want it all to fall into place. I promise my intentions for your life are all good and I have a perfect plan for you! But you have to accept putting me in the driver's seat, and trusting that when I take the hard route, your future is always in mind. You have to lay down your plan, and accept what I have for you. I do want to dig your well deeper, I want to give you wisdom- but you have to let me. You have to completely, undoubtedly, unashamedly, trust me with your heart. Sometimes the purification and weeding isn't that easy but I want to give you the fullest, richest life possible. So Em, trust me... Give me your heart. I don't want the world taking another crack at it. Pursue me. I can't force you to love me, but I am love so I can promise that if you pursue me you'll find love. True, real, fulfilling love. One day, there will be a man to adore you, with your gifts and talents and even imperfections. He will only push you to love me more. He will fit with your heart and your logic- I promise. But for now, just respond to my love, I am pursuing you. Better yet, I will always pursue you. There is no where you can go that I will not be chasing you, completely in love with you. So Em, Please give me your heart. I promise I'll take good care of it, and I will take you on the adventure of a lifetime. You and me. It won't always be easy but we will always be together- I won't ever leave your side. And when its all said and done, I promise you won't regret a thing.
Love always,
your prince charming.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Here I am Jesus. I know I have avoided you the last couple days. I'm upset that I feel like I'm right back in the place I started two years ago. I don't want to do the daunting task in front of me.

God, I've been so disconnected I am not even sure I can feel anymore. Let me really feel, deep in my core, the tears running down your cheeks feel.

Bottom line... I have trust issues. I don't do it easy, and when I do it, I don't do it in the right places or timing. All I can think about is wanting to curl up in your lap and lay there, content for hours. I'm emotionally exhausted.

Abba, I know this will probably be a daily thing, but please take my heart. I give you full permission, every key for every door and cupboard. Take all of the stuff that I am caring on my back. I know that you are much more capable of carrying it.

Why do I get so scared to give everything away? Because I like to be in control. I prefer steering the bike. I can see where I am going, how I'm getting there and choose my own path. But no matter what I decide, you are always in control. Please take this steering wheel. I don't want to fight for it any longer.

Take my heart.
Take the bad and good.
Clean it out.
Make it shine.

It's been so lonely, off here in space.
Fear held me back. It chained me down.
These bags of sand are keeping me from lift-off.
There tying me down.

Take my heart.
Take the bad and good.
Clean it out.
Make it shine.

My heart is so fragile since these scars made there mark.
I hold it real close and keep it from most.
They all let me down. I expected too much.
Now I'm left here with the consequences to boast.

They've lied, they've left and they've missed out.
And I thought I was all alone,
Just the first to go under the bus.
But you never left my side.

Take my heart.
Take the bad and good.
Clean it out.
Make it shine.

So, I give you these bricks I carry so much.
I quit doing your job, the world is not mine.
These body builder shoulders have only left me hurting.
And realizing that I could never do this on my own.

So Lord,
Take this heart of mine.
I trust that you will hold on tight.
It's beaten and bruised.
It's broken and not a pretty sight.
Tend my fields and plow my garden.
Bring new life to this heart of mine.

Take my heart.
Take the bad and good.
Clean it out.
Make it shine.

I've missed out on your beauty a little too long. 
Bring heaven down here. Bring heaven down here.
This life is but a glimpse, closed in by time.
I don't want to waste this life.
Bring heaven down here. Bring heaven down here.

Take my heart.
Take the bad and good.
Clean it out.
Make it shine.

I'm not really sure where that came from. It doesn't flow like a poem or a song, but I feel like it was exactly what I needed to write out. The words are true from my heart and there just for you Jesus. Please take the weight off my shoulders. Bring me rest. Hold this heart of mine, never let it go. Make me whole, quench my thirst, do your work. I love you Lord.

Meke Aloha [agape]-
Emilie Lauren