Emilie [diligent worker] Lauren [guarded by God]

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Vision of God's Children

I read this today and could help but want to tear up. I was broken inside.

"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners'  lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then you reward will be great, and you will be SONS of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your father is merciful." -Jesus, Luke 6:32-36

 Christ gave us such a clear vision of who we are suppose to be in his eyes, and as his body, we are failing. The head of the body is clear and sharp as Christ Jesus, but what is the disconnect to his arms and feet, us. Where did we lose sight of what it meant to be his children?

"The Holy Spirit stirs in us a joy and peace when we are fixated on Jesus, living by faith, and focused on the life to come." -Crazy Love by Francis Chan

As believers, have we become so wrapped up in religion, in who is right and who is wrong that we have forgot our purpose on earth is to love? The moment love is lost, we become lost.

I wrote this in August after reading John 9, which talks some about the division.
As a christian body, we do not walk as one. That is so often why we fail to do the work God calls us to. I really love On-Track for that purpose. It's a place for kids from all backgrounds and dominations to come, unify and praise one glorious God, who deserves our praise. Unity isn't defined as uniformity. Great thinkers come from challenging the beliefs of the mind. When judgement sets in, when we let Satan take over out minds in judgement, we lose the very heart of Jesus, the very heart he came to share on earth, the very heart that took him to the cross for you and I. I want your heart Jesus. I want to sacrifice it all for you.

I've learned that becoming a child of God simply takes belief and grace. Grace because we can never do anything on our own. We are designed to need a savior. We are asked to do the one thing that we can on our own, sacrifice. Surrender our lives over to God who has plans for us beyond our imagination. "True faith means holding nothing back; it bets everything on the hope of eternity." -Francis Chan.

I am learning a new love for this blog. Typing out my thoughts. The sound of the keys clanking has become quite familiar.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

A new day


Lord, I have been frustrated. Why do you feel the need to play hard to get? Why has my apathy began to quench my true desire? I could go on, about this desert and my lack of desire for you. But I will simplify it down. Let's take away all religion, all routines, all service. Just you and me. I am not sure if I can honestly say, I love you. Show me your love, pursue me, whisper sweet nothings into my ear.

Let's fall in love.

You and me. Hand in hand. You are driving this car; and although I may be in the back seat, I accepted the ride. I put on the seatbelt. You promise me that you will never leave me nor forsake me. You never let go of the wheel. I often fight for control, and think that I have it but I never will. I may choose the route, or the map, but you will always pick the destination.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Lord, make your grace real to me. I need your forgiveness; I am selfish, I screw up all the time, I can't seem to keep a tight seal on my lips. Please forgive me Abba; forgive me for going through the motions; forgive me for my lack of desire; forgive me for quitting on you; forgive me for the actions i have made in my frustration; please wipe me clean. Create in me a clean heart oh God.

This desert has mad me ragged and dirty. I am hungry and thirsty. Please let your rains fall. Let them purify me; let them shape me; let them grow me. Although the sun is beneficial without water, I will simply shrivel. Please God, I beg of you in my drought, bring me your refreshing water. I step out in faith, I ask for water, I ask for you, I ask for desire, and you WILL bring it. Cast out all doubts in my heart. Because you are a faithful God!

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened." Matthew 7:7,8

Friday, December 25, 2009

one year minus four

One year to date, minus four hours, the earth lost one of its finest treasures.

Sarah Anne Mace.

Sarah was a friend, a daughter, a sister, a cousin, but most importantly a women of the Lord.

May she rest in peace in the heavenly realms.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Brought near

"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near the through the blood of the Christ." Eph. 2:13

There is no way I can accurately describe the emotions, feelings and heart ache from the last year. I've tried, I've learned, and I've grown. But I am left feeling more confused, further away, and extremely lost. I raise my hands when I worship, I bow my head when I pray, I read my bible and I listen to christian music. But I am beginning to lose all desire to even do these things. Somewhere between back then and now, i've lost all hunger. The hunger that use to shape me. I know where I would like to be, I know where the path leads, but the darkness is closing in.

When did I lose sight of you? When did it become more about me than it did about you? Your presence seems foreign to me now. If you spoke, could I recognize your voice? If you moved, would I feel you?

I am brought near through the blood of the lamb.
Once again, I am brought back to Grace.
I am brought near to someone through their blood...shed for me. It makes absolutely no sense. Blood makes me think of hurting, broken, scars. Why would hurt, brokenness and scars bring me close to a perfect, fearful God?


It is through grace that I am saved. Grace-a free gift; a lifestyle.
1 a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification b : a virtue coming from God c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace

I am set apart through divine grace. Without grace I would be just like everyone else. 

Last year, God brought me through the desert. He took me through a time of being far away, tired, hungry, and lost. But I knew he did it to develop my character and prepare me for a lifetime of use by Him. "Perseverance produces character." But now as I am drug back out into the desert, I have lost all motivation and desire to persevere. What happens then? When the motivation is lost?

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God though our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffernings produce perseverance; perseverance, character; character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:1-5

Saturday, December 19, 2009

chief cornerstone

I was reading in Eph. 2 today.

"Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God's people and members of God's household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the CHIEF CORNERSTONE. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his spirit." 2:19-22

"Our citizenship is in heaven." Ph. 3:20
I am a foreigner here. It's like being black in Bend. (no racism meant there.) There are a few others out there, but they are few in far between. You have your immediate family; they surround you. But beyond that, you are placed in a world far from all acceptance. The apostles and prophets began this journey long before I did. Many others have walked and finished this voyage. But without the grace of Christ, this pilgrimage would be ineffective.
You must live in grace, to walk in faith. Without successfully using your faith in work, then it dies. So how do we live in grace and potently walk in our faith?
Christ Jesus is our chief cornerstone. The perfect example. The foundation. He is the most valuable player.
"Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will crushed."
Break me down, to build me up in you. This verse from Luke has stuck in the back of my mind all weekend. If we fall upon the cornerstone, Jesus Christ, we will be broken to pieces, but if he falls on us, we will be crushed. What's the difference between being broken to pieces and crushed? Can something broken to pieces be put back together?