Emilie [diligent worker] Lauren [guarded by God]

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Brought near

"But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near the through the blood of the Christ." Eph. 2:13

There is no way I can accurately describe the emotions, feelings and heart ache from the last year. I've tried, I've learned, and I've grown. But I am left feeling more confused, further away, and extremely lost. I raise my hands when I worship, I bow my head when I pray, I read my bible and I listen to christian music. But I am beginning to lose all desire to even do these things. Somewhere between back then and now, i've lost all hunger. The hunger that use to shape me. I know where I would like to be, I know where the path leads, but the darkness is closing in.

When did I lose sight of you? When did it become more about me than it did about you? Your presence seems foreign to me now. If you spoke, could I recognize your voice? If you moved, would I feel you?

I am brought near through the blood of the lamb.
Once again, I am brought back to Grace.
I am brought near to someone through their blood...shed for me. It makes absolutely no sense. Blood makes me think of hurting, broken, scars. Why would hurt, brokenness and scars bring me close to a perfect, fearful God?

grace.

It is through grace that I am saved. Grace-a free gift; a lifestyle.
WEBSTERS- Grace:
1 a : unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification b : a virtue coming from God c : a state of sanctification enjoyed through divine grace


I am set apart through divine grace. Without grace I would be just like everyone else. 


Last year, God brought me through the desert. He took me through a time of being far away, tired, hungry, and lost. But I knew he did it to develop my character and prepare me for a lifetime of use by Him. "Perseverance produces character." But now as I am drug back out into the desert, I have lost all motivation and desire to persevere. What happens then? When the motivation is lost?


"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God though our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffernings produce perseverance; perseverance, character; character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:1-5





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